There is never enough time to do all the nothing you want
The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits
Nobody realizes that some people expend tremendous energy merely to be normal.
Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak
How many roads must a man walk down before he admits he's lost?
You wanna know who I'm in love with? Read the first word again
Don't judge me. I was born to be awesome, not perfect
My room is not messy, It is an obstacle course designed to keep me fit
Everyone needs someone who can handle their darker sides
I'm going to stand outside. So if anyone asks, I am outstanding
Sometimes I pretend to be normal, but its gets boring. So I go back to being me
Don’t fall in love. Fall off a bridge, it hurts less
How many legs does a dog have if you call his tail a leg? Four. Saying that a tail is a leg doesn’t make it a leg
Actor, Comedian
Comedian, Historian, Philosopher
Comedian, Writer
Actor, Comedian, Writer
