There is never enough time to do all the nothing you want
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The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits
Nobody realizes that some people expend tremendous energy merely to be normal.
Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak
How many roads must a man walk down before he admits he's lost?
You wanna know who I'm in love with? Read the first word again
Don't judge me. I was born to be awesome, not perfect
Help and you will be helped
You could not handle me even if I came with instructions
There are two theories to arguing with a woman. Neither works
If I was a bird, I know who I'd shit on
Comedian, Historian, Philosopher
Actor, Comedian, Writer