There is never enough time to do all the nothing you want
The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits
Nobody realizes that some people expend tremendous energy merely to be normal.
Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak
How many roads must a man walk down before he admits he's lost?
You wanna know who I'm in love with? Read the first word again
Don't judge me. I was born to be awesome, not perfect
Let the other guys do the crybaby stuff. Go for the laughs
A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on
Sometimes I pretend to be normal, but its gets boring. So I go back to being me
zombies eat brains, you are safe
If your hate could be turned into electricity it would light up the whole world
Youth is not restored by the dyeing of your hair
Actor, Comedian
Comedian, Historian, Philosopher
Comedian, Writer
Actor, Comedian, Writer
