There is never enough time to do all the nothing you want
The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits
Nobody realizes that some people expend tremendous energy merely to be normal.
Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak
How many roads must a man walk down before he admits he's lost?
You wanna know who I'm in love with? Read the first word again
Don't judge me. I was born to be awesome, not perfect
I choose a lazy person to do a hard job. Because a lazy person will find an easy way to do it
How many legs does a dog have if you call his tail a leg? Four. Saying that a tail is a leg doesn’t make it a leg
Aspire to inspire before we expire
Shortest horror story: Monday
I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book
I need a six month vacation, twice a year
Actor, Comedian
Comedian, Historian, Philosopher
Comedian, Writer
Actor, Comedian, Writer
