Nobody realizes that some people expend tremendous energy merely to be normal.
The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits
Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak
How many roads must a man walk down before he admits he's lost?
You wanna know who I'm in love with? Read the first word again
Don't judge me. I was born to be awesome, not perfect
I turned my phone on airplane mode and threw it in the air. Worst transformer ever
Wise men speak because they have something to say; fools because they have to say something
I learned long ago, never to wrestle with a pig. You get dirty, and besides, the pig likes it
I discover myself on the verge of a usual mistake
Let the other guys do the crybaby stuff. Go for the laughs
In the course of my life I have often had to eat my words, and I must confess that I have always found it a wholesome diet
To define is to limit
Actor, Comedian
Comedian, Historian, Philosopher
Comedian, Writer
Actor, Comedian, Writer
