If I was a bird, I know who I’d shit on
The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits
Nobody realizes that some people expend tremendous energy merely to be normal.
Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak
How many roads must a man walk down before he admits he's lost?
You wanna know who I'm in love with? Read the first word again
Don't judge me. I was born to be awesome, not perfect
Don't judge me. I was born to be awesome, not perfect
There is nothing more tragic than to find an individual bogged down in the length of life, devoid of breadth
I make it a rule never to smoke while I’m sleeping
I'm not upset that you lied to me, I'm upset that from now on I can't believe you
Only one thing is impossible for God: To find any sense in any copyright law on the planet
The value of every person is found in what he is best at
Actor, Comedian
Comedian, Historian, Philosopher
Comedian, Writer
Actor, Comedian, Writer
