If I was a bird, I know who I’d shit on
The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits
Nobody realizes that some people expend tremendous energy merely to be normal.
Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak
How many roads must a man walk down before he admits he's lost?
You wanna know who I'm in love with? Read the first word again
Don't judge me. I was born to be awesome, not perfect
The good of the people is the chief law
The computer was born to solve problems that did not exist before
May be you should eat some makeup, so you can be pretty on the inside too
Many a small thing has been made large by the right kind of advertising
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read
Beauty in things exists in the mind which contemplates them
Actor, Comedian
Comedian, Historian, Philosopher
Comedian, Writer
Actor, Comedian, Writer