I want someone who will look at me the same way I look at chocolate cake
The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits
Nobody realizes that some people expend tremendous energy merely to be normal.
Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak
How many roads must a man walk down before he admits he's lost?
You wanna know who I'm in love with? Read the first word again
Don't judge me. I was born to be awesome, not perfect
I can't imagine a man really enjoying a book and reading it only once
I can calculate the motion of heavenly bodies but not the madness of people
There are two theories to arguing with a woman. Neither works
Educating the mind without educating the heart is no education at all
If your hate could be turned into electricity it would light up the whole world
I turned my phone on airplane mode and threw it in the air. Worst transformer ever
Actor, Comedian
Comedian, Historian, Philosopher
Comedian, Writer
Actor, Comedian, Writer
