I want someone who will look at me the same way I look at chocolate cake
The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits
Nobody realizes that some people expend tremendous energy merely to be normal.
Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak
How many roads must a man walk down before he admits he's lost?
You wanna know who I'm in love with? Read the first word again
Don't judge me. I was born to be awesome, not perfect
Wise men speak because they have something to say; fools because they have to say something
Help and you will be helped
Sometimes I pretend to be normal, but its gets boring. So I go back to being me
Fellow, stand away from my diagram
I turned my phone on airplane mode and threw it in the air. Worst transformer ever
My goal this weekend is to move only enough so people know I am not dead
Actor, Comedian
Comedian, Historian, Philosopher
Comedian, Writer
Actor, Comedian, Writer
