I don’t have bad handwriting, I’m just using my own font
The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits
Nobody realizes that some people expend tremendous energy merely to be normal.
Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak
How many roads must a man walk down before he admits he's lost?
You wanna know who I'm in love with? Read the first word again
Don't judge me. I was born to be awesome, not perfect
I can't imagine a man really enjoying a book and reading it only once
Give me a lever long enough and a fulcrum on which to place it and I'll move the world
My goal this weekend is to move only enough so people know I am not dead
Dislike in yourself what you dislike in others
I can calculate the motion of heavenly bodies but not the madness of people
How many legs does a dog have if you call his tail a leg? Four. Saying that a tail is a leg doesn’t make it a leg
Actor, Comedian
Comedian, Historian, Philosopher
Comedian, Writer
Actor, Comedian, Writer