My goal this weekend is to move only enough so people know I am not dead
The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits
Nobody realizes that some people expend tremendous energy merely to be normal.
Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak
How many roads must a man walk down before he admits he's lost?
You wanna know who I'm in love with? Read the first word again
Don't judge me. I was born to be awesome, not perfect
The language of Friendship is not words, but meanings
Death is the best teacher
happiness is... having friends with the same mental disorders as yours
He who has overcome his fears will truly be free
I learned long ago, never to wrestle with a pig. You get dirty, and besides, the pig likes it
Gravity explains the motions of the planets, but it cannot explain who sets the planets in motion
Actor, Comedian
Comedian, Historian, Philosopher
Comedian, Writer
Actor, Comedian, Writer