happiness is… having friends with the same mental disorders as yours
The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits
Nobody realizes that some people expend tremendous energy merely to be normal.
Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak
How many roads must a man walk down before he admits he's lost?
You wanna know who I'm in love with? Read the first word again
Don't judge me. I was born to be awesome, not perfect
I need a six month vacation, twice a year
If I was a bird, I know who I'd shit on
We don't stop playing because we grow old; we grow old because we stop playing
Happiness in intelligent people is the rarest thing I know
Life is and will ever remain an equation incapable of solution, but it contains certain known factors
I hold that while man exists, it is his duty to improve not only his own condition, but to assist in ameliorating mankind
Actor, Comedian
Comedian, Historian, Philosopher
Comedian, Writer
Actor, Comedian, Writer
