I turned my phone on airplane mode and threw it in the air. Worst transformer ever
The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits
Nobody realizes that some people expend tremendous energy merely to be normal.
Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak
How many roads must a man walk down before he admits he's lost?
You wanna know who I'm in love with? Read the first word again
Don't judge me. I was born to be awesome, not perfect
The greatest deception men suffer is from their own opinions
How many legs does a dog have if you call his tail a leg? Four. Saying that a tail is a leg doesn’t make it a leg
The display of fame most often supresses the voice of conscience.
There is nothing more tragic than to find an individual bogged down in the length of life, devoid of breadth
There is never enough time to do all the nothing you want
If you think you can slander a woman into loving you, or a man into voting for you, try it till you are satisfied
Actor, Comedian
Comedian, Historian, Philosopher
Comedian, Writer
Actor, Comedian, Writer
