I need a six month vacation, twice a year
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The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits
Nobody realizes that some people expend tremendous energy merely to be normal.
Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak
How many roads must a man walk down before he admits he's lost?
You wanna know who I'm in love with? Read the first word again
Don't judge me. I was born to be awesome, not perfect
I'm not afraid of death, but I'm in no hurry to die
I would rather be a man of paradoxes than a man of prejudices
Neither a borrower nor a lender be; For loan oft loses both itself and friend, and borrowing dulls the edge of husbandry
There are two theories to arguing with a woman. Neither works
Public sentiment is everything. With public sentiment, nothing can fail. Without it, nothing can succeed
A fool thinks himself to be wise, but a wise man knows himself to be a fool
Comedian, Historian, Philosopher
Actor, Comedian, Writer