I keep pressing the space bar, but I’m still on Earth
The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits
Nobody realizes that some people expend tremendous energy merely to be normal.
Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak
How many roads must a man walk down before he admits he's lost?
You wanna know who I'm in love with? Read the first word again
Don't judge me. I was born to be awesome, not perfect
Hell is empty and all the devils are here
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted
In the course of my life I have often had to eat my words, and I must confess that I have always found it a wholesome diet
Ask not what your country can do for you; ask what you can do for your country
Don't judge me. I was born to be awesome, not perfect
My goal this weekend is to move only enough so people know I am not dead
Actor, Comedian
Comedian, Historian, Philosopher
Comedian, Writer
Actor, Comedian, Writer
