happiness is… having friends with the same mental disorders as yours
The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits
Nobody realizes that some people expend tremendous energy merely to be normal.
Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak
How many roads must a man walk down before he admits he's lost?
You wanna know who I'm in love with? Read the first word again
Don't judge me. I was born to be awesome, not perfect
If you only knew the magnificence of the 3, 6 and 9, then you would have the key to the universe
Life is and will ever remain an equation incapable of solution, but it contains certain known factors
I was taught that the way of progress is neither swift nor easy
I am the wisest man alive, for I know one thing, and that is that I know nothing
Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else
Whosoever desires constant success must change his conduct with the times
Actor, Comedian
Comedian, Historian, Philosopher
Comedian, Writer
Actor, Comedian, Writer
