happiness is… having friends with the same mental disorders as yours
The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits
Nobody realizes that some people expend tremendous energy merely to be normal.
Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak
How many roads must a man walk down before he admits he's lost?
You wanna know who I'm in love with? Read the first word again
Don't judge me. I was born to be awesome, not perfect
Great things in business are never done by one person. They are done by a team of people
We are not rich by what we possess but by what we can do without
I am the wisest man alive, for I know one thing, and that is that I know nothing
Patriotism is your conviction that this country is superior to all others because you were born in it.
Nothing is ever too good to be true
Appear as you may wish to be
Actor, Comedian
Comedian, Historian, Philosopher
Comedian, Writer
Actor, Comedian, Writer
