If I was a bird, I know who I’d shit on
The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits
Nobody realizes that some people expend tremendous energy merely to be normal.
Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak
How many roads must a man walk down before he admits he's lost?
You wanna know who I'm in love with? Read the first word again
Don't judge me. I was born to be awesome, not perfect
I need a six month vacation, twice a year
The art of knowing is knowing what to ignore
When we are tired, we are attacked by ideas we conquered long ago
I could be a morning person.. if morning was sometime around noon
God gives sleep to the bad, in order that the good may be undisturbed
When one tugs at a single thing in nature, he finds it attached to the rest of the world
Actor, Comedian
Comedian, Historian, Philosopher
Comedian, Writer
Actor, Comedian, Writer
